The agony of Imposter Syndrome
Everyone has to start somewhere, right? To get from point A to point B, you have to work at it, and this can be about almost anything we do. What I find is a lot of people, myself included, don’t take the time to appreciate our humble beginnings. We get too caught up in the routine of trying to progress. We never take the time to look back and enjoy ourselves or our efforts or struggles.
I have always tried to be the type of person that looks at the glass half-full. But somehow, I sabotage myself and end up with the glass-half-empty instead. I’ve been reading about “Imposter Syndrome” and how this can impact your everyday life. I have to say that one of the comments that @cozyfancorner left for me yesterday kind of struck a chord. I wasn’t feeling the best; I haven’t felt my best for the last month or so. I haven’t been writing or doing any of the things I want to do because I don’t feel motivated. Then I look at the progress of other people I follow and feel even more annoyed at myself for not achieving more. I don’t know why I am like this, but reading about imposter syndrome resonated with me. No matter what I do, it will never amount to anything or that I am never going to be good enough to achieve the things I want to.
If I am doing okay in some things but not so well in others, that doesn’t mean I am a failure. It takes effort from me to not think that way about myself. I don’t always feel like this, but now and then, it happens. I never know when it will happen; it comes out of nowhere. And then nothing I do makes any sense, none of the things I usually enjoy doing has meaning. I am confused and lost within myself. I don’t often feel alone or lonely, but when I get into this mindset, I am very much alone, and nobody can help me with this. I have suffered from depression before, and I know that this feels like depression. And I also know it can become all-consuming if you don’t or can’t get help with it.
Reading the feedback that I received yesterday, if I were to give up this blog, I would lose a lot of what keeps me going. I would lose my connection to the tiny group of people that I admire and appreciate. I may not have thousands of bloggers following me, but I have enough. They are the exact type of people I want to include in my life, even if I don’t know them all that well. With their support, I have something more important than achievement; I have self-worth. I can keep doing this because if they can see good things in me, it means I am actually growing as a person. And in turn, this will help me to overcome the overwhelming sense of failure that seems to follow me around. So here’s to getting from point A to point B. Sometimes, that’s a whole lot. Sometimes, that’s enough.
