The agony of Imposter Syndrome

Agony
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
Everyone has to start somewhere, right? To get from point A to point B, you have to work at it, and this can be about almost anything we do. What I find is a lot of people, myself included, don’t take the time to appreciate our humble beginnings. We get too caught up in the routine of trying to progress. We never take the time to look back and enjoy ourselves or our efforts or struggles.
I have always tried to be the type of person that looks at the glass half-full. But somehow, I sabotage myself and end up with the glass-half-empty instead. I’ve been reading about “Imposter Syndrome” and how this can impact your everyday life. I have to say that one of the comments that @cozyfancorner left for me yesterday kind of struck a chord. I wasn’t feeling the best; I haven’t felt my best for the last month or so. I haven’t been writing or doing any of the things I want to do because I don’t feel motivated. Then I look at the progress of other people I follow and feel even more annoyed at myself for not achieving more. I don’t know why I am like this, but reading about imposter syndrome resonated with me. No matter what I do, it will never amount to anything or that I am never going to be good enough to achieve the things I want to.
ezgif.com-video-to-gif
Clip via Giphy
If I am doing okay in some things but not so well in others, that doesn’t mean I am a failure. It takes effort from me to not think that way about myself. I don’t always feel like this, but now and then, it happens. I never know when it will happen; it comes out of nowhere. And then nothing I do makes any sense, none of the things I usually enjoy doing has meaning. I am confused and lost within myself. I don’t often feel alone or lonely, but when I get into this mindset, I am very much alone, and nobody can help me with this. I have suffered from depression before, and I know that this feels like depression. And I also know it can become all-consuming if you don’t or can’t get help with it.
Reading the feedback that I received yesterday, if I were to give up this blog, I would lose a lot of what keeps me going. I would lose my connection to the tiny group of people that I admire and appreciate. I may not have thousands of bloggers following me, but I have enough. They are the exact type of people I want to include in my life, even if I don’t know them all that well. With their support, I have something more important than achievement; I have self-worth. I can keep doing this because if they can see good things in me, it means I am actually growing as a person. And in turn, this will help me to overcome the overwhelming sense of failure that seems to follow me around. So here’s to getting from point A to point B. Sometimes, that’s a whole lot. Sometimes, that’s enough.

 

I am thinking of abandoning this blog…

This blog has been a special place for me to blog about life in general and, of course, about Star Wars. But I haven’t been updating the blog as often as I’d like and that’s mostly because I just don’t feel this blog is going anywhere. I suppose I’ve lost direction. My other social media accounts are all doing relatively well, but my blog has always struggled. I have come to face some hard facts about myself as a result.

Maybe I am not as good at writing as I thought? Perhaps my animation isn’t really all that entertaining. Maybe I am actually quite a boring person, so why would I expect anyone to follow me? Maybe people just don’t care all that much.

As hurtful as these things are to admit, I think that perhaps they are right. Am I defeatist in feeling this way? I don’t think so. I compare my blog every now and then to other people who haven’t been blogging as long as I have, and they are all doing much better than I am with their communities. And some of them don’t blog every day and don’t do blog guest posts or any of those things I see a lot of bloggers doing.

When I created this blog, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with it. I knew that I wanted a space for my writing, I guess, but I never imagined I would even be good enough to animate something or create something. It seems those skills are not really what WordPress readers care about? I don’t really know. People say “just blog for yourself, don’t worry about the follower count,” but blogging for myself just seems so aimless and probably just another waste of someone else’s time.

Perhaps I just spread myself too thin with all the other commitments I have and I have lost the will to blog here. If I can think of a reason why I feel this way I think it’s probably to do with Star Wars in general and the fandom. I just don’t really feel it any more.

The one thing I still want to do, however, is pursuing the goals I set out to pursue mentioned in an earlier blog post.

I guess I have some soul searching to do…

A life update, Darth Vader #1 Edit and Motion Art

I seem to be in a bit of a rut lately with certain things. I’m still recovering from the aftershock of The Rise of Skywalker as my anticipation for this film was a lot higher than I expected. I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I want to achieve this year and I’ve come up with a shortlist. These goals are not NY resolutions. They are goals I want to achieve for several years to come so they’re bigger than that. They are life goals. And I have given myself a time period of six months to get started on one of them and the other one I hope to work and improve on with time.

I’ve neglected some of the things I love to do for other things that I thought were more important but as it turns out, they’re not. So I’m pushing back a little so that I have more control over my time.

And finally, the edits. I saw this new Darth Vader cover on Tumblr and thought it would like nice with a little animation. The cover art is by artist InHyuk Lee

Edit

DARTH VADER #1LEE IN HYOK02

Motion Art:

DARTH VADER #1LEE IN HYOK02 (960px, 25fps)

 

Star Wars update – my interview and more edits!

I know what you’re thinking – why would anyone want to interview me?😂🤣 Well, it was an interview for a Star Wars fandom website in Russia, so the entire interview is in Russian. But I’m still pretty excited that someone actually thought of me as knowledgable in the area of all things Star Wars and I am going to celebrate that little fact! You take your wins when you can get them, my friends 😁😀

I’ve also been actively making edits pretty much everywhere I go, even on my phone! Here is a couple I did today – particularly for the Ben Solo fans out there who love him as much as I do! I hope my edits give you a little something to enjoy 😁😀

Ben Solo GIF The Rise of Skywalker made by Star Wars Creative Darkside Creative

And edit two!

Ben Solo GIF edit by Star Wars Creative Darkside Creative

Enjoy my friends – I hope your new year is going well so far!

New Topps Cards with Kylo Ren

I saw these Topps cards and knew that I had to do something with them. This is the first one, I didn’t get enough time to edit the second one.

The original:

Kylo Ren Topps Card signed by Adam Driver

I made this one Ben Solo without the scar:

Edited by Darkside Creative

And animated this one:

BENSOLOTOPPSTRADINGCARD2 (1078px, 25fps)

Adam Driver on the cover of M2 Magazine New Zealand

During grocery shopping today, I finally located the January/February 2020 issue of M2 Magazine with Adam Driver on the cover. I believe this could be a some-what coveted magazine cover because it is published by a local New Zealand brand. This means that there is probably no other way of acquiring this magazine outside of New Zealand unless you pay for it online. I’m not eve,n sure if you can order individual issues so I am feeling pretty happy about the fact that I have finally acquired something that could be challenging to get hold of for anyone outside New Zealand.

20200112_105900.jpg

One of my friends asked if I would scan it and upload it. I am not sure if I should do that but I’m thinking about it. Considering it’s quite hard to get hold of, I’d like to be able to provide my fellow Adam Driver fans with the nitty-gritty of the exclusive interview he did with M2.

Kylo Ren – The Last Jedi Motion Art

I have spent some time looking around for art to upload to my Instagram account and came across a beautiful piece today by artist Noe Leyva on DeviantArt and I just had to turn it into motion art.

Here’s the piece in question:

dbwbiqa-01434630-0661-4857-97fb-ee90f43e8aab.png

And the animated version:

Animated by Darkside Creative
Art by https://www.deviantart.com/noe-leyva