Working through something should feel a lot better than this…

As some of you may already know, I’ve had some major issues going on at work. Our team recently had a culling where three people had to leave it and become a different team working alongside the team they used to be in. One of those people picked was me. I found out last Monday and I was completely and utterly shocked. I had no idea it would be me. I mean everyone would have felt some doubt that it was a minor possibility but I honestly thought that I was a much better worker than other people in our team, and therefore not under threat.

I was wrong.

So I took some time off work last week, not even throwing a sickie as I developed a migraine as a result of the stress and well, was genuinely off work and feeling miserable and ill. This gave me time to think about my options.

As it turns out, I didn’t have as much leeway as I thought to negotiate terms to stay and become part of this other team. Out of the three things I wanted, I managed to get off the night shift and finally, after 2.4 years of working it, I am now on days 8-5 PM. This will make life a lot easier because now I’ll be able to do things after work instead of relying on my partner to do everything during the week. I am actually pretty happy about this.

But I still feel like a throw-back, someone who couldn’t make the grade, someone who was just plain crap at their job. And I am trying very hard to escape this feeling but I can’t.

The best thing out of all of this is that I still have a job, and I’m earning the same amount of money so I guess that’s better than redundancy, but only just. My shift changing is pretty huge because I’ve been trying to change my shift for a long time. Now I can see my Mum every day of the week instead of only on Fridays.

I just wish I didn’t feel like someone who just got kicked off the island. And the worst thing about it is that the two other people in the team that were moved were the laziest in our team. Everyone knew they would get picked, but me? I am one of the hardest workers in the team, I had the highest productivity the month before at 104 % yet somehow, I’m still not doing the right thing. I just don’t understand it.

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