What I want to do differently in 2019

I don’t believe in New Year resolutions. The reason for this is mostly from experience and other people’s experiences of failure to make these resolutions last. That could be due to that person’s own weaknesses or lack of confidence or just plain laziness to continue doing something they probably don’t want to. So this is why New Year resolutions fail.

If you want to do something, you should just do it. You shouldn’t need a New Year to achieve the things you want to do, am I right? And I am as always, referring to my own failures not just last year but in general.

However, I have questions that I ask myself over and over such as “Why can’t you do this *thing* that you want to do? Are you holding yourself back? Why?” So this is why I try to make minimal improvements on things I want to do better rather than making this huge big deal out of a commitment I may not see through. Deciding on the 31st of December that you’re going to go to the gym the next day at 5am and every other morning in 2019 only to sleep through your alarm is one of those things I am referring to here.

I think the secret is NOT to over-do it, to think wisely about what you want to change and to make these changes goal specific so you can actually see your achievement, progress and ultimately, reach your target goal of whatever you want to do.

The one *thing* I want to do is to be more forthcoming in my relationships both personal and professional and to not just agree with whatever everyone else wants or says just because. If something bugs me, I want to be able to be better at saying something about it, not just to harbour these feelings without any way of resolving them. I do this A LOT. I let things slide, I have actually become my Mother (but not in a good way because my mother is way too nice all of the time). I never used to be like this. When something bugged me, I spoke up. If I didn’t like something, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t know how or why I changed but over the years, I seemed to have lost sight of that part of my true nature – to not back down when it matters. I have lost sight of myself.

I want that person back. I used to be pretty fearless and unafraid of repercussions. Now, I focus way too much on what could happen rather than focusing on disagreeing because I don’t like something. I feel so much weaker than I used to be. I want to feel strong again. I want to be ME again.

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