I’ve finally broken my writing streak which is bad because I made a promise to myself to write every day. That was my promise to who I was, and now I am moving into a different phase of my creative life, and I feel it’s time to set new goals as well. That’s not an excuse. I’ve acknowledged the broken promise, but I feel less guilty about it because I’ve transitioned into something I think is even better.
I’ll always be a writer first and foremost, that will never change. But there are no rules that dictate you should only be one thing in life or that you should dedicate yourself to just one pursuit in life, is there? I aim to professionally combine all my skills into a career that I can love, a career not a job. I am doing the 9-5 thing, and I’m miserable. I used to think that IT and computers were all I needed to be happy. But I was wrong about that. My life took a curveball, and I failed to hit that ball out of the park. I became a person with no goals, nothing to look forward to, someone quite empty and void of passion. I was waking up to an alarm clock buzzing in my ears that gave me a sense of dread every morning instead of the feeling that used to inspire me, the feeling that I was doing what I loved. That was no longer true.
But somehow, I’ve managed to take on the aspiration of a new dream and a new reality. I am filling in those gaps that were making up the empty person I was, and I’m moving beyond that feeling of hopelessness and failure. I actually think the creativity I felt I had lost has returned and it has basically saved my life in a way I can’t really explain. I am not saying I was suicidal or anything like that. But I was in a dark place with no light in sight, I was depressed and ashamed of myself. I don’t feel that way any more.
In a way, my creative self came to the rescue. My passion has been reignited, and the flame is burning pretty damn hot right now, and it’s the best feeling ever. I’d like to say that I’m happy to be burned once again, to be living in a place that is happy and motivated and a place where it feels good to be alive. I want to continue exploring this, and I finally think that I’ve found what it takes to be the best version of myself that I can be.
Onwards and upwards, right?