You may have noticed that I don’t use this blog for a lot of personal posts. I have had personal posts in the past, but I feel strange uploading personal posts to this blog. I actually have a journal which is something that I’ve wanted to write about for the last few weeks.
During the Pandemic lockdown, I’ve become a lot more aware and a lot more creative. I have thrown myself into my art and writing. And as a result, I decided to make some changes to the way I do things, including Star Wars content. That change was to a) create something, every single day – that can be a blog post, something in Photoshop or Adobe software, a poem, or at the very least, a journal entry. I tried to do this many times before and failed. Miserably. But this time, I feel determined to succeed.
I don’t know about you, but I have become addicted to stats. Apparently, this is precisely what the social media giants want you to do – to “want” more readers, to want more followers, to just want more and more until it’s the only thing you care about. Well, they succeeded with me, to a point. I’ve talked about stats in the past, mostly Pinterest, because that is where I think I’ve had social media “success”. I say success in quotation marks because it’s so subjective. Whatever you want success to be is measured only by what you don’t have. And that’s different for every single person on the planet.
And I’ve come to realise just how empty that is. The only thing that should matter is whether or not I am creating and learning and growing, not how many followers I get every day. If they don’t appreciate what I do, what is the point, right? If I don’t value myself, what is the point…
I went to Medium for a bit too, to test the waters. I had success in my first post which was curated by the Medium editors (it’s a big thing on Medium, but not anywhere else) and that made me feel good about myself. But at the end of the day, your writing needs to mean something to your audience. I learned that very fast and made excuses to myself about why I couldn’t succeed.
But that experience was vital because I began to miss this blog a whole lot. When I had time to think about it, I realised what I was throwing away. I was throwing away a part of myself and a community of amazing people. I’ve never felt attached to a blog before. But I really care about this blog and what it represents. And in my heart of hearts, this is really the only space online I genuinely care about. I’ve met some wonderful people through this blog. And more than ever before, it feels like the closest thing to home that I have online.
I also started a daily journal the first day we went into lockdown. It started out as just a lockdown journal where I would write about the experience itself. But it turned into a proper diary, and now I write what I feel and think there every day. Which is why I don’t write as much here. But I think that’s a good thing. I feel way more comfortable writing for no one than writing for the world.
Thank you for reading. I value your time and your comments. Should you have any to share with me, I’d appreciate it.
I created a blog banner for any posts that deviate away from the regular posts on this blog about photoshop, adobe, art and life in general. That way you can choose to avoid these posts if you’re only here for the art or the star wars. These posts will always be tagged “personal”, and the banner is “Life on the Darkside”.