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Achievement

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Journal Entry 05

It doesn’t feel real. In one week I’ll be onboard The Finalizer. I never dreamed I’d get this far. And all those fools that thought they could stand in my way…

If I knew who my parents were, I’m sure they would be feeling something much like happiness for me.

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The Meeting

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I had been summoned to one of the smaller meeting rooms to meet with my specialist. When I arrived, the specialist was already there. That wasn’t normal protocol. The specialist was never in the before room me.

I felt uncomfortable, my hands perspiring again. The specialist had a real talent for making me feel on edge. I wonder if that’s why she was chosen to do the job in the first place.

I tried not to stare at the speciailist who I could feel was staring across the room at me. I must have looked ridiculous standing in the doorway like some idiot child.

“XN2903, come in, shut the door and sit down,” she said in a stern voice.

I walked into the room and did as she requested

Continue reading → The Meeting

Countdown

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Our recruit group was now seven down from 10. Two members of the group had left (that’s what we were told) and one other, Reena was missing. After Reena’s disappearance, dynamics within the group shifted dramatically. People whom I had once considered hostile were now quite amiable. Everyone else seemed to be getting along and there was a lot less tension in the air. Everyone seemed happier… well, everyone but me.

It felt almost hypocritical to feel unsatisfied after admitting how things were at the beginning. Everything I wanted at the Academy seemed to be going my way – recruits were friendlier, I had passed every test with flying colours and my future looked to be on track for the very first time.

But something wasn’t quite right.

Reena’s disappearance was making me feel even more vulnerable. As I looked around the room, everyone seemed to be both innocent and guilty. It could have been any one of the other recruits. The fact that someone else had exactly the same agenda as I did… it just doesn’t sit right with me.

The alternative made me feel even more insecure. Could someone be reading my thoughts? It wouldn’t surprise me if a force sensitive within the group was assigned to read our thoughts and report back to our mentors. Nobody would know until it was too late. I’ve never heard of anyone being able to unthink something or erase a thought.

I needed to keep my confidence up for just a little while longer. The last thing I needed right now was to bring unwanted attention to myself. I need to focus all my energy on what lay ahead.

 

Suspicion

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Journal Entry 04

I think the others suspect me. I can hear their whispers go silent when I enter the room. Despite that, I feel better than I have in months. My confidence has returned and I’m coming top of the class in all disciplines.

It seems as though Reena’s disappearance has paved the way for my success.

I’d like to shake the hand or hands of whomever it was that got rid of Reena, because life at the academy has never been better.

Therapy

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Journal Entry 03

They’ve assigned a “specialist” to me to talk about my ‘experiences’ at the Academy.

I always thought there would be a possibility I would fail, but this? A specialist!?

This smells of Reena… she is the infectious disease in our group and I need to step up my game.

I feel Reena’s time may just be running out.

 

The ‘Specialist’

A few days ago my group was separated. We weren’t told why nor were we given any information about what would happen next.

This was a typical tactic, designed to make us feel alienated and alone. I actually preferred the alone time. Any time away from Reena and her minions was time well spent.

Like the others, I was eventually escorted into a room with a table and two chairs. I sat at the table and as I looked around the room, I noticed two cameras pointing towards the table, one in each corner. This was unexpected. This made me uneasy. Again, a typical and resourceful tactic designed to put recruits on edge.

It was working.

I tried to concentrate on something else, anything else, but as I began to focus, the door opened. I was half expecting a droid to enter the room but it was no droid. The blue skin and red eyes were unmistakable. The Chiss officer looked at me with a blank expression. She closed the door and proceeded to sit in the chair opposite mine. She lifted what looked like a tablet of some sort onto the desk and began to tap and swipe.

The tapping stopped a moment later. The Chiss female looked over my face with uncaring eyes.

“You are recruit number XN2903, correct?”

I slowly moved my hands under the table to hide my nervousness.

“Yes” I replied

My voice sounded so unfamiliar to me, as if it was someone else speaking entirely

“I am the Specialist assigned to your case. Would you like to tell me about your experiences at the academy?”

My hands started to sweat as I clenched my fingers into a fist.

“My … experiences?”

“Yes XN2903, your experiences as a recruit here at the academy. All recruits are required to report what they are experiencing during their time here. I have been assigned to discuss these experiences with you for an hour each day until you … well, until you either graduate or”…

“Or what?” I asked

“Or expire…” she replied

The word sent a chill down my spine. She said it with such finality.

I had to get a grip. This was all a test, just another one of many tests designed to push me. I had to focus on why I was here in the first place – to escape the past, to become something better than a slave.

This was not the time to falter.

I swallowed, cleared my throat and looked the interrogator in the eyes

“What sort of experiences are you referring to? I mean, I really enjoyed the mental exercises the other day with Lieutenant Trayvor”

The specialist looked down at her tablet briefly and then looked back at me

“You can stop with the lies now,” she said with an authoritative tone

I stiffened in my seat.

“E…excuse me?”

“We know about your situation with the others in your group, in particular, the Twi’lek recruit JW3039? We know you’re not fitting in so you can stop with the pretense”

“What do you mean by pretense?” I asked

“There are cameras everywhere,” she said, pointing to the ones in the room

“Even if you wanted to lie, the cameras don’t”

I had nothing to say, not a single word to defend myself.

“Recruit XN2903, I’m here for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to hear about what you’re going through so I can report back to your superiors. So this will all go a whole lot smoother if you just tell me the truth. That way I won’t have to waste time going through all the camera footage to find it”

I swallowed again and lifted my hand to my forehead. I was sweating, not a lot but enough to give away what the specialist already knew.

I cleared my throat again and nodded slowly

“Okay”…

 

 

 

 

 

The others just don’t see me

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Journal Entry 02

The others … they just don’t see me and I’m doing everything I can.

Why don’t they see me?

They make me feel invisible.

Even the way they look at me. The disdain and disappointment… they’re not even trying to hide it anymore.

I’ve got to do something before I become a liability. The mentors will eventually choose the best of us. What if I’m not one of them? I can’t let that happen, I won’t let that happen.

I’d rather die than live with the shame of failure.

She’s the one – the Twi lek Reena. I just know that she’s behind it all. And what’s worse is she knows I know.

Ugh… just thinking about it makes me want to hurt something… bad.

I’ve tried everything, meditation only leads me to one solution – destroy the obstruction.

I’ve pictured my hands around her neck so many times. I’ve wondered how it would feel to crush her windpipe, to watch her struggle for every breath. I imagine her trying to speak as I did this, that perfect little mouth of hers twisting into nothing but a muted scream.

The thought of doing this to Reena excited me. To have that kind of power over someone’s life, the power to take her life and end it… I would do anything to possess it.

I would do everything…

 

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