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Journal Entry 02

The others … they just don’t see me and I’m doing everything I can.

Why don’t they see me?

They make me feel invisible.

Even the way they look at me. The disdain and disappointment… they’re not even trying to hide it anymore.

I’ve got to do something before I become a liability. The mentors will eventually choose the best of us. What if I’m not one of them? I can’t let that happen, I won’t let that happen.

I’d rather die than live with the shame of failure.

She’s the one – the Twi lek Reena. I just know that she’s behind it all. And what’s worse is she knows I know.

Ugh… just thinking about it makes me want to hurt something… bad.

I’ve tried everything, meditation only leads me to one solution – destroy the obstruction.

I’ve pictured my hands around her neck so many times. I’ve wondered how it would feel to crush her windpipe, to watch her struggle for every breath. I imagine her trying to speak as I did this, that perfect little mouth of hers twisting into nothing but a muted scream.

The thought of doing this to Reena excited me. To have that kind of power over someone’s life, the power to take her life and end it… I would do anything to possess it.

I would do everything…

 

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Journal Entry 01

The thought of leaving the Academy is both frightening and exhilarating. All the hard work and sacrifice will finally be rewarded. It feels as though I’ve been training for this my whole life and to fail now would be simply unacceptable.

Lately, I’ve been thinking much darker thoughts. The training has taught me how to control and manipulate these thoughts but there are moments when I feel like falling into the abyss and letting go, never to surface again.

I think my mentor would be proud.