I’ve briefly talked about the Tumblr community in a previous post but until now I’ve never really understood how serious everyone is about fandoms. I’ve been a real wuss about it, politely posting things that won’t offend anyone and keeping to myself. This is not who I am yet somehow I feel compelled to fall in line like all the other nobody’s.
Large scale battles are going on every day on Tumblr. I don’t know if this relates only to Star Wars but there seems to be a serious dislike between those fans who support the “Reylo” pairing (Kylo Ren with Rey) and those who don’t (called “anti’s”).
Speculation from some of these Tumblr users goes as far as accusing one another of supporting abuse and incest. This is one time where I am happy to be a nobody.
The fanfic I am currently writing has three main characters. The character telling the story is female and somehow she has become the opposite of what I originally envisioned her to be. It’s kinda weird but as I write more of her character into the story, I rarely think about it and I just go where the flow takes me. This is probably why she has become something I hardly recognize but at the same time, I find it exciting to write again.
As I read these words back to myself, I feel relieved to feel good about the writing process again. I might even test the waters a little more and write more poetry which I haven’t done in a long while. Don’t know if the world will be kind to me but I guess we’ll see.
Some days ago I blogged about returning to tumblr after a long time away from it. Back when I used tumblr, I wasn’t writing star wars fanfic (or any fanfic for that matter) and had no idea what the tumblr star wars fanfic community was like. It has been an eye-opener for sure and an interesting learning process as well. But I can’t help thinking that my type of writing just doesn’t fit in.
One of the biggest draw cards of fanfic on tumblr is the author writing various types of fanfic placing the reader (or ‘x’ reader) in various scenarios with different fandoms. An example of this would be you, (x reader) paired with Kylo Ren in x situation. Sometimes the fanfic is light, funny, quirky and ‘fluffy’. Other times (dependent on the author) the fanfic will be a lot heavier and smutty. A lot of the popular fanfic authors will occasionally open their inbox for requests where you can make any number of requests for fanfic and the author will (if they choose) deliver said fanfic to their blog. It’s a great way to write and it’s very popular on tumblr. The problem is I am not that type of writer and don’t fancy taking on this type of writing style either.
It could just be me and my rigid ways of writing for myself first and my audience second. I suppose what’s popular isn’t always what you want and quite often, I have found myself going against the grain in all sorts of things so why would writing be any different?
That’s why blogging appeals to me a lot more because for the most part, it’s about you and your experiences and your views on life and you don’t have to write for any other reason. I’d like to think of myself as relatively open-minded, but I just don’t see my style of writing fitting in on that platform.
On the writing side of things, I’ve picked up the star wars fanfic again which I was really struggling with and I’m slowly getting the story back on track. I feel like this is definitely an achievement for me when three weeks ago I felt like completely chucking the whole lot in the (virtual) rubbish bin.
I dunno what’s going on. Writing has never been something I did for the sake of it. I’ve always felt that my feelings are the fuel that drives me to write but every time I try to write I just don’t feel much of anything apart from when I’m writing about not being able to write! It even sounds silly when I read it back to myself. I mentioned in a previous post that I was going to find that ‘flow’ again. Well, I did spend some time editing and updating my posts for Tumblr only to find that I had misplaced parts of the story so I’ve had to adjust the other pieces to fit in around the new order of events. Whilst this seems like it could be a move backwards, it might just be the thing I need to get my character past this little ditch she is always falling into.
My fanfic is in its infancy (three very short posts) and has already attracted some “interesting” followers. I am guessing it’s the NSFW tag I have mentioned in my description but still, it’s a little unsettling. I mean, sure, parts of my fan fic will be NSFW but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be sordid, hardcore BDSM Fifty Shades of Grey styles or even worse, porn! Not that there is anything wrong with that type of writing – I read the first Fifty Shades of Grey novel myself, but hardcore BDSM isn’t really going to work with the story I want to tell. It’s nice to think that my writing appeals to such a broad group of readers – I’ll just remember this the next time I doubt myself, it’s a great motivator.
P.S – I decided to remove the reference to NSFW and added 21+ instead – just because I felt it was more applicable to the writing I do.
After recently returning to tumblr, I am beginning to feel like a spectator more than a participant. It’s not that tumblr has changed all that much since I last used it but it seems like a foreign world to me all the same. I am procrastinating over my fanfic and fear I am losing the edge to just “do it” and roll with whatever comes. Posting pics was just fine and dandy but now I have to actually write and let me tell ya, there are some very talented writers on tumblr. There is also a new language amongst the fanfic elite on tumblr – a new word I’m seeing all the time – “imagine” which is basically you (the writer) imagine something about your chosen OTP (one true pairing) or your fandom or fandoms (as the case may be), and you write about it.
It’s very much like an exclusive club and I’m on the outside looking in. A lot of the fanfic writers are part of what appears to be a very close-knit community. I have doubts. I’m being a total wuss about it, right? I’m sure I’m not the only writer who has doubted themselves…
It was time. There was no way that I was going to be late so I kept all other thoughts out of my head and focused. I didn’t want to talk myself out of this – this was going to happen! I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button to go up. I watched as the lights lit up, floor by floor. I never realised how big the Finalizer was until now. The very top floor was allocated to General Hux. Before I could access it, I had to use the intercom so that the guards could see who I was. My hand was shaking as I pressed the button.
“Yes?” an unknown male voice crackled through the speaker
I cleared my throat. “It’s… I mean, uh…”
“Identify yourself, now!” the voice interrupted
“Cadet XN2903 requesting permission for access”
“Fine. Step out so we can see you Cadet”
I looked up. A security camera was pointed down towards me. I did as the guard requested and stood directly under it. A few moments passed. I waited patiently for a reply.
“Access granted, you can open the doors”
I pressed the button and as the doors slowly opened, my stomach felt queasy. I had to steady myself for a moment. I stepped out of the elevator and the doors shut quickly behind me. I looked around but there was nothing to see but cold, dark, metal painted the same colour as everything else on the Finalizer.
I heard movement coming from further down the corridor. Two heavily armed special forces guards turned the corner and walked directly towards me.
“We’re your escort, Cadet. Let’s go”
Flanking me on either side, the guards walked in unison with me down the long corridor. We finally came to another heavily guarded door. One of the guards nodded and opened the door for me.
“It isn’t wise to keep General Hux waiting” one of the guards mumbled, pushing me inside.
I peered around the corner and could see a faint light coming from a room down the end of the hallway. I walked towards it, holding my hands together to stop them from shaking.