I’m just trying to come to grips with how things work on Wattpad. I’ve never used Wattpad before so I’m trying to familiarise myself with the site before I go throwing my words around the Wattpad community.

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I have decided to join Wattpad. I spent some time this evening setting it all up, delaying the inevitable event which is to actually write something. I don’t know what I am so afraid of. I wish I wasn’t like this. Being this way has held me back from so many missed opportunities in my life, but I can’t change how I feel about my writing. I am genuinely afraid to share my writing and I just don’t know why. I have felt this way all my life. So I thought that I would start where it all began, with my very first star wars fanfic. I originally put it on hold because I lost the inspiration to continue the story. But after reading some stories on Wattpad, I feel the spark in me reigniting once more, the need and the hunger I’ve always had to write is returning in a big way.

The fanfic I am currently writing has three main characters. The character telling the story is female and somehow she has become the opposite of what I originally envisioned her to be. It’s kinda weird but as I write more of her character into the story, I rarely think about it and I just go where the flow takes me. This is probably why she has become something I hardly recognize but at the same time, I find it exciting to write again.

As I read these words back to myself, I feel relieved to feel good about the writing process again. I might even test the waters a little more and write more poetry which I haven’t done in a long while. Don’t know if the world will be kind to me but I guess we’ll see.

Some days ago I blogged about returning to tumblr after a long time away from it. Back when I used tumblr, I wasn’t writing star wars fanfic (or any fanfic for that matter) and had no idea what the tumblr star wars fanfic community was like. It has been an eye-opener for sure and an interesting learning process as well. But I can’t help thinking that my type of writing just doesn’t fit in.

One of the biggest draw cards of fanfic on tumblr is the author writing various types of fanfic placing the reader (or ‘x’ reader) in various scenarios with different fandoms. An example of this would be you, (x reader) paired with Kylo Ren in x situation. Sometimes the fanfic is light, funny, quirky and ‘fluffy’. Other times (dependent on the author) the fanfic will be a lot heavier and smutty. A lot of the popular fanfic authors will occasionally open their inbox for requests where you can make any number of requests for fanfic and the author will (if they choose) deliver said fanfic to their blog. It’s a great way to write and it’s very popular on tumblr. The problem is I am not that type of writer and don’t fancy taking on this type of writing style either.

It could just be me and my rigid ways of writing for myself first and my audience second. I suppose what’s popular isn’t always what you want and quite often, I have found myself going against the grain in all sorts of things so why would writing be any different?

That’s why blogging appeals to me a lot more because for the most part, it’s about you and your experiences and your views on life and you don’t have to write for any other reason. I’d like to think of myself as relatively open-minded, but I just don’t see my style of writing fitting in on that platform.

On the writing side of things, I’ve picked up the star wars fanfic again which I was really struggling with and I’m slowly getting the story back on track. I feel like this is definitely an achievement for me when three weeks ago I felt like completely chucking the whole lot in the (virtual) rubbish bin.

Onward and upward, as they say 🙂