Have you ever stopped to think about the legacy of your parents, what they are leaving behind in you? I have actually thought about this often over the years, particularly when something happens in my life that I can’t explain or excuse in some way.

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This is something I always promised myself I would never do. To me, living your life comfortably is not really living at all. I’m not saying people should be extremists and live life on the edge or anything like that, but I can’t be the type of person that settles for less instead of challenging myself. It kinda seems like I have.

I just saw this quote on Pinterest and I immediately thought it was a little silly. Let’s see if we can decipher what it means.

First I need to apply it to my life right now. So if I am the person I chose to be right now, I know that this is untrue. There are certain things in life you can’t control. No matter how much you disagree with this, it’s true. You can’t control when someone close to you dies. How can you control a health condition nobody even knew existed? You can’t. What about work restructuring? You can’t control that. Even if you’re the star employee, you can still lose your job.

The upside to all this is there are some things you can control such as where you want your career to go. You can also control your diet and your tan.

But if I apply that quote to who I am today, there are a dozen things that don’t relate to that quote at all.

If we don’t want to pick it apart I guess I can agree to a point. But there are way too many things in play for me to take that quote seriously.

What about you? Is this quote relatable at all to your life?

I’ve been here before. I’ve had everything I could possibly need to go further in my career except the one thing that has always alluded me; faith in myself. I have the uncanny ability to actually feel like I could take on the world and be a loser all at the same time. I’ve never truly felt like I deserved something, even when I know I worked my ass off to get it. I hate that about myself. I don’t know why I try to sabotage my own future but I do. I suspect it’s got something to do with my Dad. He was the type of person that could never accept failure, not ever. So when he lived with us, growing up, I was never allowed to do anything but succeed. So everything I did seemed like it would never measure up to his standard. And I started believing this when I was a teenager and it still has sway over me today as an adult.

But I know what’s holding me back and I know what I have to do to move towards my goal but I’m so afraid of failing that I’ve accepted my lot and I’ve just become a huge chicken shit.

There is one thing that I didn’t plan on happening though and that was the whole restructure at work. Now that it has, I know that only I can change things, nobody else. If I want to let them beat me into believing I’ll never be better, I’ll become that person they think I am. And when I think about that I get so angry I just want to defy everyone to prove to myself that I can be whatever the hell I want to be.

And then I come back down to Earth and well, yeah, I don’t do anything about it. I knew how to chase my dreams once. All I need is to be that person again.