Have you ever stopped to think about the legacy of your parents, what they are leaving behind in you? I have actually thought about this often over the years, particularly when something happens in my life that I can’t explain or excuse in some way.

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This is something I always promised myself I would never do. To me, living your life comfortably is not really living at all. I’m not saying people should be extremists and live life on the edge or anything like that, but I can’t be the type of person that settles for less instead of challenging myself. It kinda seems like I have.

I decided to stay for now. There are more reasons to stay here than I initially realised. I talked it over with loved ones and agreed it’s better to start looking again in the new year.

I am actually relieved. It kinda feels like I’ve let myself off the hook somehow. Am I weak for staying or strong? I’m going to turn this around somehow. My partner said that if anyone can find a silver lining in a shit cloud, it’s me.

Isn’t it funny that when people who really know you say good things, it feels like they’re talking about someone else. Why don’t I see in myself what he sees in me?

I actually don’t know.

Yesterday I called myself a “writer”. I realise now how bold that was. I’d like to say I’m dedicated, adventurous, interesting and maybe even a little talented, but I am none of those things. I visit blogs belonging to people who have thousands of followers. I don’t care what people say about “follower count” it IS important because it can reflect how interesting and engaging you are as both a writer and a person.

Are you engaged right now? Ha!

But seriously I think to be a writer, you must write every single day. There is no exception to this rule. I don’t do this but I’m trying to be the writer I envisioned becoming when I was seven.

Can I do it? Will I do it is the better question. A question I’ve been trying to answer for years.

I guess we’ll see.