The answer to that question is “nothing”. It’s not fair that I had to leave a job I liked so someone who hates every minute of being in that job gets to stay. I’m sure there are multiple examples of “unfairness” happening all over the world but who’s going to put it right?

I guess that’s why people say that “it all comes down to you”. Well, just for once, I’d like not to have to stick my head in a vice and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as “fair”. Either you win or you don’t.

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Is it bad to admit you’re a loser?

When you know deep down that it’s probably true…

The worst part of all this is not knowing how to change this reality

It’s defeatist, it’s depressing and it’s probably bad for your health to think this way

But it’s a part of you that you just can’t escape

It’s a part of who you really are

… like no matter what you do, you will never be the favourite? I don’t want to be that person who is jealous because they’re not one of the managers favourites. You know the brown noser who does whatever the manager asks and in return is rewarded with being able to be one of the laziest people in the team. This person spends more time on YouTube and in discord chatting to their friends than doing actual work, yet they remain untouched.

I really dislike feeling like I have to actually work my ass off while the teacher’s pet does nothing and gets everything.

I think I’m losing my mind lol… 😭

I feel so disconnected, I feel alienated, I feel weary and redundant

I want to scream but I don’t

I want to throw in the towel and let my father’s disapproval wash over me like rain

I want to cry but I’m too tired to even do that. This is an admission I am happy to make

So I can let it all go and get up and do the same thing all over again